The Spoon's Fork

what a day...

2010-05-01T19:11:00.004+08:00

i love you much=)

Had band this morning. Then went to mv to catch a movie with the gang. Guess which one?

Toy's Story 1 & 2.

I realised that I cant remember the Disney stories that i use to watch as a kid. Its not that i dont remember which ones that I've watched, I cant remember the contents. The storyline, the characters, the meaning. Haha.. I find that they actually have a lot of meaning for a kid's show. Maybe this parts are meant for the parents. Or for people like us, kids that watch it again when we've developed our brains more.

2010-04-24T20:58:00.002+08:00

Drama has come and gone. Congrats 5U, you guys deserve it=] Mai, im so so proud of you:)

The whole journey for me was quite rocky. Last minute props, crazy arrangements, costume havoc. One word; WALIAU. The whole process of writing the script was very long. Started to think about the storyline since December but nothing solid came up. Finally decided to use existing talents in our class and wrote a story revolving these talents. I'm sorry. I gave you guys a crappy script. I'm absolutely sure that you guys could do wayy much better with another scriptwriter.

Some advice for the form 4s. Start writing you scripts, the earlier the better. Find an uncommon story. Don't go with the normal stuff; shallow love stories especially.

2010-04-17T21:32:00.002+08:00

Heng Sze Kay got baptised on the 17th of April 2010=)

i love you guys!

Its quite awesome how everything turned out tonight. Both my parents came to church and i just pray that something would be planted into their hearts. I love you guys very very much:) if i were to die just so that they can be saved, i would. God, may Your work be done..

A bit overdue but here it is

2010-04-07T20:35:00.002+08:00

Good Friday was awesome indeed. Jofan and i went out on an adventure:) read more about it here. I'm finally starting to believe that the small things that we do sometimes can do wonders even without us realizing it. Before we head out, I was kindda freaking out the night before. What if things didn't go well? What if all that we planned, turns out to be something really stupid when we really thought it was amazing? What if this, what if that.

Omtot. All the What Ifs.

I really really did felt weird at first. We didn't do much for the first 20 minutes or so with me being so disorganized most of the time. But after some heartfelt prayer, we set off.

We were looking for beggers but there weren't many actually at first. Oh, well. We met some cobblers (one of them was real funny i tell ya), hawkers, a few beggars and even a homeless lady. We bought them some burgers but I know its never enough. We can help their physical hunger but what about the spiritual?

I went back to Pasar Seni area the other day and she's still there. What else can we help her with?

I slowly realize the things that i did really made an impact, either on the people that help was given or on the people around me. Jofan's really enthusiastic about doing it again and his enthusiasm is spreading. Now, more people are gonna join us the next time. I wonder where the holy spirit would bring us?

I love You=)

2010-03-25T18:42:00.003+08:00

Have been meaning to blog about this book for some time now. Its quite nice. If you're looking for a heartwarming read, this is it. But there's mild 18sx.

This is one book where you shouldn't judge it by its cover:)

2010-03-19T23:36:00.003+08:00

people precieve freedom as having all the choices in the world but sometimes, to obtain true freedom, some choices has to be given up.

***

God, bring me back to You, least i come crawling back. My walk has not been great with You lately. I've let myself sidetrack. I've gone back to my old cycles. But i know i have to learn. Learn to get out of those cycles and to focus on You. Yea, i can't pocket You.. You're so much more greater than that. You're better than all those sunsets that i love, all the best people that i miss, all those books that i enjoy reading. You're better, more beautiful, most amazing.

Learning To Fall -This Beautiful Republic
I've heard it said a million times
That I should hold on tight to Jesus
But I took this road so far from home
And distance came between us

When I walked away, I knew one day
I'd need Your grace

So now You'll find me on my knees
Surrendering
Cause I know that I'm really not so strong
And now, I'm done fighting for control
Oh, You can have this life
That I've been holding for so long
I'm learning to fall
Let my world crumble

You ran so fast to rescue me
While I was barely breathing
You picked me up, You touched my face
And I began to see more clearly

Though I'm such a disgrace, You still forgave
Your love remains

Take me as an offering
I surrender everything
No more living without You

Jofan, thanks for finding another beautiful song:)

2010-03-14T18:58:00.001+08:00

Stand Out

2010-03-08T09:19:00.003+08:00

i like the video on jofan's page, Britt Nicole's Stand Out. I knw that maybe a gazillion people have already blogged about this but like he said, it means a lot. About the video itself, i like the simplicity of it. Of how nothing is made in a studio, its on the streets, where Jesus should be know. I like that she's put real people on video, people dont hide behind an inch of make up. Real people who's got kids and problems and tears. People who needs a Bible, prayer or just a hug.

She set out with a right heart. A heart seeking for broken people.

2010-03-06T19:28:00.002+08:00

I can honestly say that form 5 is one of my worst year. I feel like everything is just getting out of hand. When in form 4, i can still stay on top of things if i work a bit harder. but now.. its like, no matter how hard i work, i still feel like im sinking. Am i taking on too many things? I dnt think so.. Its about the same as last year but just a few things more.. a bit more in band, in class.. thats about it. But why is everything piling up? Why am i even wasting my time so much?

well.. here's something for you to read as my blog die off..

A pleasant morning I bid to Ms Anusha and my lovely classmates. My speech today is about a person I look up to. Well, mine is Philip Mantofa, a pastor from Surabaya, Indonesia. He is truly someone whom I look up to and I find his stands relevant to my own.

Here is a little something about him. Pastor Philip was born on the 27^th September 1974 to Hardi and Suzanna Mantofa. He is the second of three sons with brothers, Maxi and John. As a young boy, Philip often had seizures and was sent to Taiwan for treatment. At the age of 16, he went to Canada to further his studies and returned to Indonesia some time after to serve in churches there.

There are many aspects to him that I like; his randomness, his boldness and his love for God and people. However, of all the aspects that I like about him I would like to talk about his love life. This is one topic that I find very interesting.

First off, he married his wife, Irene Sapphira, in August 1999. A big part of their courting relationship is carried our long-distance with Philip in Canada and Irene in Indonesia. They first met each other at the age of 14 and it was love at first sight, though nothing happened till much later. They both knew the risk of long-distance relationships and Philip only goes back to Indonesia two to three times annually. Imagine, only being able to see your loved one a few periods in a year. However, their relationship is blessed by God and they are now happily married with three kids after dating for four years.

Secondly, although he is a pastor of many churches, he is still a humble person. One would think that a man with as much publicity as him would be proud and stuck up but he is exactly the opposite and he is quite romantic too. This is part of a song that he wrote for his Irene:

How can I tell you

How much I love want to be your best friend forever will be

How can I show you how precious you are to me

So precious forever will be

Will you give your love to me?

Will you give your heart to me?

Irene, forever will be..

Thirdly, I like the exclusivity of his love of Irene. All his life, he has only loved one woman. In fact, he said this to her (translated from Bahasa Indonesia); “Actually, I didn’t plan to get married. In fact, it is only when I met you that it has changed my perspective. If you don’t choose me in the end, it’s okay. I would just go on with my earlier plans to concentrate on serving God. But I would still wait for you.” I love how he only waited for the best girl for him and not just choose any Jane or Daisy found along the way.

I have decided long ago to only have one person in my life. Philip and Irene’s story, along with many others, has kept me single –in a good way. Their stories have reminded me that waiting and holding back, at my age, is not pointless.

Heng Sze Kay

2010-02-18T19:06:00.002+08:00

Had open house today:) i actually enjoyed myself:D teehee...

Prepared steamboat and some other nicknacks for them..

First off, Hanan and Rye came at bout 12, which was the time fixed for today actually. hihi.. Ate something, seen my pigsty room and we waited for the others. It was quite a long wait but they were here eventually:) They had the first round of steamboat.. haha.. Wan's brother is really cute and very bold too:) haha.. i missed them. After they left, eera joey and steph came at bout 4.30-ish. Joey's mum sent them. Rye wanted to see u guys but they had to leave early. Oh well. Wow, i didn't knw steph really likes steamboat. haha.. so semangat punya makan:D

While eating, Riza and Mizan came. So shy la dierang.. lol.. Thank God, Mizan's here to finish the food.. hihi.. nice one:) And riza finished all the chachos.. haha.

For those that didn't come, its ok.. there's always a next time:)
Thanks for all who came, for all who took the trouble to look for my hse and everything. I hope you had a good time too:)

2010-02-11T18:16:00.002+08:00

See the rawness
See the deep cuts
See the scars
The scabs, the pain..

Where can i hide?
What else can i do?
El-Shaddai..You know.

2010-02-11T17:19:00.002+08:00

Here comes the feeling like im missing out on a lot again. but i guess its ok. everyone misses out on something.. Im so tired these days. homework is a big pile of paper. Die la you, steph when you come bck frm auzzie.. haha..'

im stil very tired.

2010-01-28T16:58:00.002+08:00

January is fast coming to an end[with a birthday right at the very last day:)]. I do feel sad in a sense that im getting old. Yes, i do say that a lot. haha.. but what hits me the most is that my teen years are fading fast and whatever 'great things' that im gonna do after that certain age would just be normal. Those 'great things' would be something that is expected of us, no longer the things that measure extrordinary heights. How la?

But honestly... Have we been doing greater things?

2010-01-28T16:48:00.002+08:00

I wonder what it means to be a lover?
People say that forbidden fruits taste the sweetest.
Is it true?
Is it sweeter than pure love?
Is it sweeter than Him?

We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. Do we dare to love out loud? Knowing that sometimes our sincere actions can cause ridicule? Perhaps, the sooner we get over the fear, the sooner we can be like Christ..

2010-01-13T19:04:00.003+08:00

Look to the skies hope arise
See His majesty revealed
More than this life there is love
There is hope and this is real

Cause I dont need to see it to believe it
I dont need to see it to believe it
Cause I cant shake this fire burning

Deep inside my heart

I feel very shallow right now, like how everything i think and do comes straight without given second thought. I guess i've been too focused on the world recently and im not there with God as i should be. this fire burning deep inside my heart.. There's practically no fire. God, bring me back to where i should be with You.. where's my fire? where's my focus? where's Your name in my life?

Bring me back bring me back bring me back.

There is hope and this is real

about everything..

2010-01-13T18:45:00.003+08:00

School has been crazy. On the first day itself, i've already started planning. haha.. although the truth is that i should've already started planning. I've come to realise that i have many many more areas to work on, especially when it comes to leading a big group of people. Its not always easy coz im the type where i try to avoid conflict the best i can. Im pro-peace:) In a situation where there's more than one opinion, conflict would most definately arise. Therefore, in a big group... sighs.. conflict much?

hurmm..
but actually, there isnt much of a conflict. our biggest problem is just getting the job done.

i want us to make mr koh, more than anybody else, proud of us.

New Year mou?

2010-01-03T14:29:00.002+08:00

Hello:)

'09 has been a wonderful year to say the least. Im gonna miss it.

Thank You for the amazing year, for the friends, the food, the things, family and YC. Thanks for showing me these people that i've come to know and cherish, like really really cherish:) Thanks for showing me that there are greater things that we can do and not just sit around saying, "How I wish I could do that." I guess those days are over. Now, we can no longer say that we didnt know. Now, we can no longer say that we dont care coz You've turned our hearts. Thank You...

With all the things that i've got to know in '09, lets just give a toast to healthy relationships:)

RevAmp '09

2009-12-20T19:59:00.003+08:00

Its 8pm and im now back at home, sitting in front of the computer. It's a very strange feeling. After the amazingly awesome 7 days of constant companionship, being alone makes me feel strange. There's huge bunch of people in church where i can freely mix around and get to know and when i go back home, there's always Sarah with the little croonies:) Like i said, constant companionship:)

About this time in conference, we'd be starting session now. sigh.. ps rose, ps guy, ps daniel.. nice:) i want more

i miss revAmp:(

I signed up for poverty and environment. I think i wouldnt wanna go anywhere else:) all the crazy stuff that we did.. haha.. We went for Alicia Loh's book launch, voter's registeration in Subang Parade, gotong royong in USJ 3 and planted trees in USJ 2.

At first, it never crossed my mind that we're actually doing something that would impact our society. Never. I just thought, "Oh, nice. Let's do it." But with everything all said and done, I really do think that we did impact our society one way or another. You see, i didnt believe that what we did was on the road to greater things but when Rose recapped all that we did, I somehow felt hopeful that we did make a difference. And now, im quite positive:) God works in mysterious ways, no?

Of all the things that we did, i think the hardest was the voters registeration.

Now i know how a salesperson feels like. The feeling of trying to sell your product but ended up with rude responses and countless rejection. There were about 70+ of us going around Subang Parade trying to get eligable voters to sign up as voters. You could see us walking around everywhere:)

Then, we got stopped by the security guards.

Quite exciting but irritated. Anyways, we had to stop for a bit, reduced the amount of people and continued working:) sad to say that im one of the courageless people. But i stayed around and helped encourage them! haha. But seriously, they were great:) candice, maka, galvin, ian, nathan, clement, mandy, adriel, cat:) good job! In the end, we got 68 people to sign up. quite a small number but im positive that we've increased awareness among the people there:)

And thank God that we had a chance to do them all.

As expected, i've learnt more about me mates. Especially about sarah, i might never knw the things i knw now if she hadn't stayed in my house.. The chance might not arise in another time. Im really glad u came, sarah:) And about Ian.. WALIAU. i never knew this guy could crack such lame jokes ok.. and to top it off, seven days with both ian and jofan.. whoaaa.. we've all been resurracted many many times. haha:P It was all good fun:)

I love worship sessions. I love it and i want more..

We look to Yahweh Yahweh
Our hope is Yahweh Yahweh

And i've found my gungho serving partners:D
sarah.ian.galvin=)
haha.. wanna serve moU? Yea, through this conference I've learnt that there's always an opportunity to serve others. You just have to always look out for it. The fact is, opportunities to serve others are always there.. Let's do it!

Lets just pray that revAmp brings us to greater things..

"I am telling you the truth: those who believe in me will do what i do -yes, they will do even greater things because I am going to the Father." -John 14:12

Amen:)

YC moU?

2009-12-12T14:21:00.004+08:00

hello:)

how are you today?:)

weird? i knw:)

*********

i just came back from sel's blog and read about her mission trip blog debriefing. its always awesome to read how people felt throughout trips like that.

to sel and all you form2s that might be reading this, i love to see the fire, the eagerness in you:) im just gonna pray that you'd begin to step up in yc coz yc is our place. youth church. a congregation of youth. if we dont step up, who will?

lets rise

New Moon

2009-12-09T19:16:00.002+08:00

At first, I promised myself that i wouldn't watch New Moon. This was due to the fact that i might go crazyy again and yea, its hard to stop the craziness. However, all thanks to Fatin, i found myself sitting in Cinema 1 with NM starting in 2minueto. sigh. But thank God that im still sane:)

The movie wasn't that bad actually. Although the thing still looked spastic if compared to the book, i find it quite.. ok:) Too little Emmet though:( oh well, like what eera said, the movie cant satisfy everyone.

******

Its now December. Reflection time moU?

Although i've been involved in many pretty cool events this year, i cant help but feel like i've squandered my time away. I havent check back on which goals that i've achieved, i hope it'll be most of it. I want more, like how i felt after the rally with Philip Mantofa. I want more. It didn't felt like it ended there. But i also definately didnt feel like i've done much after that either. sigh. Perhaps its meant to be continued..

Form4 has definately taught me many many things. Like how not to judge a book by its cover. People that i've arrogantly thought that "were not worth my time" has turned out to be great friends. Im sorry for ever thinking like that.

I also realised that with age comes the responsibility. Responsibility as a leader, as a student, as a person itself. No more being vague with details, no more just-follow-the-seniors, no more ignorance towards careful planning. Everything has to be planned out in details. From planning things for band, YC events or shopping outings even. No escape. So far, I havent been able to meet my dad's standard of Extreme Planning. But i guess when i get there, i'd be happier coz then he wont have to nag me=.=

Oh well, life's a journey, right?

2009-11-30T14:09:00.002+08:00

Is this all there is to life? Go through school, futher education, jobs, get married, have kids?
And then what? Aim for a promotion? Become CEO? Become grandparents?

There must be more to life than this.

Seperated -Usher

2009-11-29T17:53:00.002+08:00

Rye introduced me this song last time
am still loving it:)

If love was a bird then we wouldn't have our wings
If love was the sky we'd be blue
If love was a choir, you and I could never sing
'cause love isn't for me and you
If love was an Oscar, you and I could never win
'cause we could never act out our parts
If love is the bible, then we are lost in sin
Because it's not in our hearts

(chorus)
So why don't you go your way,
and I'll go mine
Live ur life
And I'll live mine
Baby, you'd do well
And I'll be fine
'cause we're better off separated...

If love was a fire then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold
If love was a sport, we're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean, baby, we are just a stream
'cause love isn't for me and you

(chorus)

Girl, I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you
I can't deny
Can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I

I know it hurts so much
But it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road, we lost the trust
So I walk away, so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go
(chorus)
(out)
I'm sorry we didn't make it.

2009-11-27T18:05:00.002+08:00

I went to play with fire.
Pain pain now.
Ouch ouch

I really wish i could tell you right now.. but i cant. sorry..
yeap..i should have just said nothing.
i feel like puking.

2009-11-21T07:55:00.001+08:00

i will run to You,Lord
Help me try
Jesus i need you
only You know why
how can i live without You
I'm falling with every step i take
i need You
i need You

2009-11-17T20:28:00.002+08:00

8th November -CBN's 110th dinner. Band escorted the VIPs into the hall. Was a first experience for all of the members. tak pernah buat basically.. haha.. But people said that it was ok la.. bangga:)

14th November -YKPM Prima Selayang's Family Day. Despite feeling reluctant about the whole thing in the morning, I really did enjoy myself. People there was just really cooperative and cheerful crowd:) I was really tired after that but still was worth it! Also there was CF barbeque at Elenor's place. wow the condo is pretty:) like a semi hotel. Rebecca and i had barbequed eyeballs.. haha

Check your eyes

2009-10-27T20:11:00.002+08:00

When i entered my teen years, i realised that my eyes can't stay still. I cant hold a proper conversation without my eyes wondering to things or people that move around me. My eyes would stray.

However, another problem does occur. I think this would apply to most of us. As our hormones rage, our eyes tend to stray around unchecked. And when they rest upon an image that shows too much skin, they lock onto target. This would seem like a norm these days? But the question is: Is it morally right?

Check your eyes.

Next, i went to a pasar malam just now. It's one of my favourite places. The nicknacks that they sell, all the colours.. But what disturbs me the most is that pornography is sold at a place where families spend time together. As if selling pirated VCDs ain't bad enough, they had to sell pornography. I saw someone buying those cds as if it were just any other movie. Please. Porn is just a replication of the real thing. Something like a mitosis process caught on tape and multiplies uncontrolably, resulting in a moral value cancer.

And what are the authorities doing about this? These problems are as clear as day! Are you blind? Do something!

Why am i making such a big fuss?

I dont wanna stay silent about this. God doesn't like it so do i. I can't stand still and watch morality decay and do nothing. Come on. Its just too disturbing seeing people sell all this crap without the blink of an eye and all the while insulting what sex is originally suppose to be.

I hate it.
We better check our eyes.

2009-10-26T17:08:00.002+08:00

Im just feeling so dried up at this moment. I want to run away and not care at all about whats happening there. I don't wanna take on that responsibility. I don't want to make an effort to make it better. I don't wanna do it.

i have always dreamed that i'd be where i am now. and wow.. i had so many plans. practice this way. do it that way. how to make them cooperate. how to look good in that post.

I had it all in my head. and thats just where it's stuck.

2009-10-21T19:32:00.002+08:00

You never know till you try it.

i've always been impatient when my grandmother when she nags to go out. Now, after being stuck at home and being aimless, i understand her situation. My grandmother is wheelchair bound now and she can no longer go anywhere freely. I saw her sitting on her wheelchair today. She's got a zombie look on her face. I've always hated her. But now I have to learn to love her and i think im getting the hang of it. We dont have much time left.

We dont have much time left to love my professional stay at home grandma.
Teach me how to love..

2009-10-20T12:58:00.001+08:00

I do not ask for a long life, but i ask for a full one, Jesus. Just like Your's.

Who am I?

A walk with the dead -Hanan

2009-10-16T00:50:00.003+08:00

Dear Hanan,

if one day when i go to school and found out that you were no longer here, i wouldn't want to come the next day. coz of all my classmates, you're one of the best. i look forward to seeing all your quirky expressions throughout the day. those are one of the best times. my quirky weird friend.

2009-10-14T19:56:00.002+08:00

I ran my 5km:) who ever knew right? went to pj area to run and pray. Before the whole event, i did not think that i would do it like i did. i just thought i'd do my best to finish it. probably finish it with huffing and puffing but finish it. and i did. i really really did.. and it is by focusing on God that i got my strength to finish it. thank You.. thank You Jesus for running that race 2000 years ago. that long road to the cross.. all that so i could draw strength from You.

Now that i've begun to grow, i realize how differently i could turn out.. and im so glad i have You.. coz i can look to You whenever i need help.. whenever i feel like im going fail something, i ask and You come. there are so many times when i know that i dnt deserve it Lord but You helped me anyway.. You brought me through. All my A's belongs to You.. all my achievements are Yours.. school means nuts to me right now.. i would rather spend my time in church, in your house where people love You.

i want Your presence. it is only there that i can change.

2009-10-07T15:39:00.003+08:00

exams exams exams
maths was hardd

God, please help me this sat.. i know its my fault and all.. sigh.. i just wanna finish it..

2009-09-22T23:39:00.001+08:00

you just HAVE to watch this one. its our camp promo. Steph, watch ar.

2009-09-22T12:13:00.000+08:00

Our trip to Pahang:D

i love itx)

Philip Mantofa

2009-09-19T08:44:00.003+08:00

If you've heard me rant and rave about this dude named Philip Mantofa, well, this is him. Prepare to see his heart. Like Sarah said, "I love his spirit."

*********
The holidays are here:) i am prepared to pig out on sleep. yess.. but homework is as high as Mount Kinabalu. Oh well, one at a time.

have you ever wondered where words like goodbye and holiday comes from?

goodbye
good-bye
good-b-ye
god-be-ye
God be with ye.
haha.. i found this somewhere while reading a book about an amish community. I just love them:) And yea, they wish each other 'May God be with ye' when they part or something. Probably thats how goodbye came from.

and holiday.

holiday
holi-day
holly-day
Holy day=Sabbath.
One of the 10 Commandments tells us to keep the Sabbath Day holy. Sabbath is our Sunday now. During those days, people are suppose to completely rest and do nothing but worship Him kindda thing. They even have a limit as to how far they can travel on that day. All this is done so that the people can really really rest. Amazing huh? It is commanded that they rest. Ironically, we have too much rest nowadays:)

2009-09-16T20:12:00.000+08:00

Column 19: Plea for Deliverance (A Noncanonical Psalm)

Surely a maggot cannot praise thee nor a grave worm recount thy loving-kindness.
But the living can praise thee, even those who stumble can laud thee. In revealing
thy kindness to them and by thy righteousness thou dost enlighten them. For in thy hand is the soul of every
living thing; the breath of all flesh hast thou given. Deal with us, O LORD,
according to thy goodness, according to thy great mercy, and according to thy many righteous deeds. The LORD
has heeded the voice of those who love his name and has not deprived them of his loving-kindness.
Blessed be the LORD, who executes righteous deeds, crowning his saints
with loving-kindness and mercy. My soul cries out to praise thy name, to sing high praises
for thy loving deeds, to proclaim thy faithfulness--of praise of thee there is no end. Near death
was I for my sins, and my iniquities have sold me to the grave; but thou didst save me,
O LORD, according to thy great mercy, and according to thy many righteous deeds. Indeed have I
loved thy name, and in thy protection have I found refuge. When I remember thy might my heart
is brave, and upon thy mercies do I lean. Forgive my sin, O LORD,
and purify me from my iniquity. Vouchsafe me a spirit of faith and knowledge, and let me not be dishonored
in ruin. Let not Satan rule over me, nor an unclean spirit; neither let pain nor the evil
inclination take possession of my bones. For thou, O LORD, art my praise, and in thee do I hope
all the day. Let my brothers rejoice with me and the house of my father, who are astonished by the graciousness...
[ ] For e[ver] I will rejoice in thee.

i find this really nice:) this is a part of the Dead Sea Scrolls btw.

5.9.09

2009-09-05T22:40:00.001+08:00

Hanan!

5.9.09

2009-09-05T22:39:00.001+08:00

Rye:)

5.9.09

2009-09-05T22:38:00.001+08:00

2009-09-04T19:33:00.001+08:00

2009-09-04T19:32:00.001+08:00

2009-09-04T19:31:00.001+08:00

2009-09-04T19:30:00.001+08:00

You want to go into a relationship? Think again.

2009-08-29T01:36:00.003+08:00

This is my 300th post.

The thing about relationships is that everyone wants to be in one. We are all made to have relationships but only with the right person and the right time will it be fulfilling. When i was a few years younger, i made the mistake of being so desperate of wanting a boyf that i was ready to take in anyone at all. Which caused some minor 'flings'(not the sex type, mind you). However, thank God that i had layer and layers of fats to ward dudes away and therefore, protect myself. It was a silent blessing.

Now i just want to share what i've learnt with others. Dont think that im a nun or something. Im not. I do want someone but now's not the right time, no matter who that person is. What i want to focus on right now is my relationship with God. By the way, jumping into relationships headfirst is a really silly. Everytime something like that happens, i can hear the hearts breaking:) Especially when it comes to my close friends and their relationships. Not that i want to butt in, probably I just have a mechanism in me for the sake of my friends. Through some tests, i find this mechanism quite accurate. Thank God:D Though, the news may not be welcomed with open arms.

I like it how Dexter puts it the other day. I would definately want my future partner to first start off by being my friend to best friend to boyf to tunang to husband. And yes, i want my first boyf to be my husband. Sounds very "eerk"? haha.. i dnt really care:)

And babes, dont ever put your security in the hands of boys. It means that you cant find security in yourselves and always have to depend on pleasing others in order to 'trade' for a sense of security. Your self-esteem is more precious than the everchanging way of how people can make you feel.

Raub '09

2009-08-26T22:16:00.000+08:00

Went to Pahang last Saturday for a mission trip to an orang asli village in Raub.

The whole trip was kindda crazyyy. After preparing everything; the messages, the arts and crafts, the presentations and preparing mentally, everything was thrown out the window. Initially, we prepared to go to 6 different villages during the course of three days. Then, we were told that not only were we staying at the same place, we also had to face the same group of people for all three days. I went like "WHAT.. =.="

But i guess its God's way of training us to trust in Him. We didnt really have much problem though. Things just kindda flowed really reaLLy well:) The three day thing was actually a camp for villagers of three different orang asli vilages. The houses there is beautifully unique, made out of bamboo and thatch roofs. In a way, much more beautiful than resort chalets that looks like it because they're real. People live in them.

Upon arrival, the villagers sent us jugs and jugs of beverages. At first we were suprised at so many jugs that was sent. Surely they didnt expect a super humongous large crowd, did they? Then we realised that every family sent one jug. All as a welcoming gesture. So sweet:)

Then the KIDS. There we so many of them! They make a lot of noise too. But they're so innocent. They were really shy at first. Then carmen and i started chasing them! LOL. We warmed up to each other pretty fast and on the last day, we became their 'tree'. We also became their barbies, playing with our hair and everything. haha.. at a young age, they're really good at making plaids:) Truth be told, i prefer hanging out with them anytime than the adults:) i wonder what they're doing now..

Since the village has no electrict supply, we had to use generators. They were pretty good:) But they had to shut it off around midnight coz it was running on petrol. Imagine this: our group was having our debreifing the first night, which lasted very very long and suddenly everything flickered and went dark. All hopes for a bath was lost(but the guys did bathe after that). I guess that was when we really focused on the breifing. lol. However, that debreifing was the best ever though:)

We slept on the floor with bugs all over us:D cool huh? im not complaining but its a good reminder that we ought to appericiate the nice comfy beds that we have. not to mention the clean bathrooms although bathing in the river is not so bad. did i mention about the river? its soo nice and cool. the water is pellucid:) nothing like kl rivers. Nothing.

The food pulak.. they serve so much rice. they literally served it in those basins that you use to wash ur clothes. cant really show coz all the pics are with dylan and carmen.. sigh.. and we ate bamboo. nicee.. and the sambal belacan thingy was so hot. Era, one of the kids, was drinking tonnes of water while eating that.. she's one cute kid:) eyes as big as saucers. O.O i miss the food..

One thing fo sure, the group members were amazing:) I really do thank God that i went for this trip coz otherwise, i would have never known this group of people. Our common goals were to step out of our comfort zones and to serve our God among a community that He loves. We were reminded in every meeting(almost) that we are not tourists but servants. There were many many times that i wanted to kill myself for doing really stupid things but had to remain calm coz the work wasnt finished yet. Everyone's openess and willingness to work, made it so much more easier to bond:) since our group consists of mainly guys, there were 8 dudes in total and only four girls, we all had a pretty good insight of how the male brain works in terms of relationships. Oh my cheese, i would always prefer a relationship topic to chemistry any day! Really, this bunch of people opened up much more than i thought was possible given that most of us only knew each other for at most, a few months.

Yesus yang ku cinta, terima kasih kerana memberi kami peluang ini untuk membuat kerjaMu. Hanya Kau yang dapat membawa semuanya bersama. Budak2 remaja yang dengan sukarelanya masuk ke dalam hutan untuk membuat kerjaMu? Bapa, ku sayang Engkau sebab mmg hanya Kau yang dapat membuat semua ini..

BM saya teruk? i know. One of the many challenges we had to face was also to converse in BM. Imagine praying in bm... =.= its was so so tough at first but after a bit it was much better. I find myself sometimes praying in bm now:) amazing.

There's just so much that i miss there.. those three short days..

All glory be to God..

Father, i dont want to stop changing. I wanna keep going on for You..

2009-08-21T20:52:00.001+08:00

I going to Pahang:)

2009-08-20T21:10:00.002+08:00

I LOVE YOU xD

i feel like loving people today:) we're currently doing fast and prayer in church.. for merdeka and all. what ps. andrew grey said was really true. its hard for malaysians to fast! well, at lease for me anyway. hihi..

i miss you..

sigh.. i've just found out something as well.. i wnt really say that im suprised. its not that i already know. its just that alot of the same things have came up this year. anyone else wanna own up? i guess everyone has issues of their own.

like i said.. it still hurts no matter how old you are.

twilight saga

2009-08-18T09:28:00.002+08:00

i've just finished all four book yesterday. Everytime i finish a series, no matter what book it is, it always makes me feel sad. Its the thought that i can no longer know what will happen to the character. sigh.

i just really liked how breaking dawn finished:) when i read the final page, it made me stop going crazy.

2009-07-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i wished i was someone else
That i didnt have to be quite so reserved with what i feel
I want to be able to talk with mentally censor myself..
dont you think so?

Blue ribbon:)

2009-07-22T15:45:00.001+08:00

2009-07-18T08:27:00.004+08:00

Hahahahahaha..i feel like im picking fights on youtube. Its so annoying when you watch a worship vid and when you look down at the comments, you find a whole bunch of crap saying God is this, God is that and in a very negative way. How am i suppose to sit it out?? Omggg.. it kills me to see all these accusations and crappppp! sighhhh.. God, i so need Your help in this.

Anyone ready to be a youtube fighter?

Percy Jackson

2009-07-17T21:59:00.001+08:00

omgg.. one of the most exciting book series if ever read. Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
one word. NICEEEEE:D:D

The movie's coming out Feb 12, 2010.
:D

cant wait

2009-07-08T19:13:00.002+08:00

If someone were to ask me again, "How is form 4 like?" I would say that it's a time for growing up and learning to deal with issues. No more burying it and hoping that it'll never resurface. No more taking something and charging it head on and hanging on for dear life. Everything has to be planned and approved before moving on.

A note to all who has yet to take on form 4, prepare yourself for more challenging issues like sexuality, drugs, smoking and such. Especially those from cbn coz cbners are more protected form the reality of these issues. Before this, I never thought that people that i know would deal with these problems. The innocence of cbners. In a way, we are really blessed that we are not badly hit with all these. Anyway, its better to equipt ourselves with knowledge on how to solve and face these things. I wish i knew what to say.

2009-07-05T22:18:00.003+08:00

Im losing motivation to go to school. Everything is crap. Homework canteen food book checking. I feel like there's always work to be done and there's no escape. c'mon, im only 16 once.

Honestly, I dont think that having good grades is that important. Not right now when i want to be a bum for the rest of my life. Having good grades doesnt mean that you'll definitely succeed later on. A string of A's wont help you understand your spouse more or make you sell more insurance next time. You cant tell them, "Hey, I had straight 1A's for my SPM you better buy my insurance/tell me what you think now." Sounds stupid aint it? yea. Hell lot of good those A's did.

i do wish that school is a club. Without strict rules and deadlines. Thank God that im not stuck in those strict-er times. My creativity cells would surely be non-existant. I dont want to go to school for the sheer dread of work load.

When asked, what do you want in life? What would you answer? Some people say that they want to be this and that. Some wants to be a millionaire. Some, accountants. While a few others say that they want to succeed in life.

Good for you. You knw what you want.

However, how do you define 'succeed' or success? And what next after that level? What else do you want?

2009-07-04T21:32:00.003+08:00

I miss u..
I miss You.
What my heart feels i dare not say
I miss you
My heart no longer breaks
i wonder if its good or bad
sigh..

i wish my sigh explains it all
all that my heart burdens
all that my heart wants
is there no other way
can you not feel the stabs as well?
perhaps its only me
only me
as usual.

Though I can feel the pain
Look into my eyes
But I don't know gone without good-bye
If I could reach the sky
I'd try to turn the world around
So that we could see the face of forever
Stay alive
Brian Littrell -Gone without saying goodbye

Just for Rye

2009-06-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

1. I've come to realize that my exs... are nonexistent

2. I am listening to...Gotta have You - Potter's Hands -Hillsongs

3. I talk… like how i want to talk

4. I love ... Jesus:)

5. My best friends... are special

6. I lost... track of time

7. I hate it when people... say that they eat too much:P *hint hint*

8. Love is...not suppose to be conditional. its suppose to be self-sacrificing coz when you truly love someone, you'd do anything to please them. Of course, what ur loved ones want may not always be in ur list of things to do. sometimes, you've gotta go out of your own way.

9. Marriage is... a wonderful experience for two people.

10. Somewhere, someone is thinking... about me. They must be:) dont u think so? lol

11. I'll always be... doing something.

12. I have a crush on... nobody. I only have targets:)

13. The last time I cried, I thought about ... losing chances.

14. My cell phone... my travelling Bible. and my song source.

15. When I wake up in the morning... i wish for more sleep.

16. Before I go to sleep at night... I pray for me to wake up on time if not earlier. and for people.

17. Right now I am thinking about... what to answer next.

18. Babies are... in my future xD

19. I get on myspace.... with my computer -.-

20. Today I... brought band peeps back home. ~~and raped them~~ haha. we surfed blogs, myspace(i learnt how to read hidden comments:D slow? i knw.), watched wind orcst cds and ate pizza. sent them home in the rain:D

21. Tonight I will... catch up on my Bible and SLEEP

22. Soon I will... drive!

23. I really want... do something in school.

24. In my future I see ... mission trips:D jom alex! you the mission man! lol

25. The person who is most likely to repost this is... terminator! jyeah

Philip Mantofa

2009-06-15T20:16:00.002+08:00

My birthday has come and gone. Im 16. Somehow, this realisation hits home. My high schools are drawing to a close. I have yet to do anything 'significant'. But I guess God's Kingdom should be my significance.

Philip Mantofa:) Im truly fascinated by him. Through him, I've got a taste of how Jesus' followers felt. The longing to see Him is put into your mind and you knw that giving up this chance will be a great loss that will be too hard to bear. Throughout the morning, i felt the need to go see ps. Philip. Not the going-back-stage-to-meet-a-rockstar kindda teenage craze thing. Its more like a undeniable prodding to go see him. The same prodding that made me make a u-turn back to church and stay for 3 services.

I didnt get to meet him in the end, though i did see him pass right in front of me. What kindda held me back was that he was surrounded by escorts that made the idea of going up to him so impossible. Anyway, i've learnt a great deal on Sunday. To make God priority our priority.

I do pray that I get to hear him speak again:)

holidays..

2009-06-06T06:40:00.002+08:00

Im proud to say that I've got my first part time job a few days ago, 3-5.6.09. A three day job:)

Good enough already.

So far..

2009-06-01T20:42:00.003+08:00

29&30/05/09 -Spent in Genting with Steph and her fam. Was uber cool coz we had a good time going up and down the complex didnt we, Steph? haha.. The hotel is really nice with their deco and all but a bit of a bummer coz there's no bath tub. No bubble bath. Also, im proud to say that I went to the outdoor theme park for the very first time. Yes, my very first time. I wanted to go for the scariest ride. I've never had the guts for roller coasters but this time when i heard about the terrifying cork screw(?) roller coaster, i wanted to get on it. But it was closed. Bummer. I've also got to know her family a bit more and held a 5minute plus conversation with her mum. haha! We wanted to count down for Manjira's birthday but we both only remembered in the morning. Sorry babes:( but happy birthday, though:) Thnks for everything Steph:)

31.05.09 -Went for Vi's tattoo. Was also my first time ever. Got to see Rye:) she's gotten prettier. I didn't know that there'll be so many people there. The place was quite crowded. Twas their 100th year celebration. Sorry la.. but i thought that the pipe and perc pieces were quite boring as well as the dances. The drum battle was entertaining though. I was enjoying vi's performance half way when i had to leave. sigh. was rushing didnt even get to say a proper goodbye.

self image

2009-05-25T20:30:00.002+08:00

Every girl will battle self-image problems. Im not immune. Sigh.

Well, i've just read something.

"US research has found women with hourglass figures more likely to be intelligent and to have brighter children, too. After examining 16 000 women and their children, researchers concluded that women with shapely hips and thighs scored higher on intelligence tests than women with more linear figures. Long-chain polyunsaturated fatty acids such as DHA, necessary for brain-growth are stored around the hips and thighs; the researchers believe carrying a little extra in these areas may be a good thing. Women with small tummies and big hips an thighs have more of what it takes to build brains, and thus tend to be smarter and have smarter children. This hip and thigh fat is primarily metabolised in the third trimester of pregnancy and lactation, when babies' brains are being built." -Reader's Digest

Comfort:)

*********

Job 11: 13-15 & 18:
"Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will be secure, because there is hope.

This is what i want to do.

2009-05-23T09:33:00.002+08:00

The past week has been filled with papers. We faithfully sat for our papers like prisoners waiting for their death sentences, wishing we could go somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. We couldn't wait to finish it all.

Now i can't wait for holidays:D

There's nothing much to do these days. Like there's no other activities besides studying. To say that i miss the times when i get burnt under the sun wouldn't be true as well. sigh. I don't want to spend my days sitting in front of the tv. Malas arr.. i want to do something. And i don't mean by homework.

Sometimes i wish i could speak freely without the hesitation or the fear that something might go wrong. I wish that i could speak of the past with my friends without the fear that they'll go berserk on me. I wish i could do things better. Have better insights. I feel like an underdog.

2009-05-07T19:47:00.002+08:00

I'm still standing

I'm still standing but by the grace of God. Where would i be if without Him? Probably hiding in a corner somewhere and bawling my eyes out. I'm a coward when it comes to certain things like sharing the Gospels and looking into the eyes of strangers and smiling. But I know that I can overcome that and it'll be a big milestone for me when I've pass that stage. I do want to get pass that stage.

I'm standing but by the grace of God. I'm standing only by the grace of God. When having an on-off relationship with Him, I've tried turning my back on Him but it didnt work. But i find that it's not possible at all for me to forget. He's in everything i see. Especially during sunset.. Its like he's painted them anew everyday and he doesnt recycles them.

Im especially amazed with stars.

2009-05-04T16:48:00.002+08:00

romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run

another version:
lomeo amik me somewhere we can dua-dua
i will tunggu you and all there's left to do is lari

2009-05-03T21:59:00.002+08:00

You know those "opened eyes" moments?

As in like.. you don't know how to do a physics question and then when a friend shows you, you go like, "OH.. didn't see that!" and also other times when people tell you about stuff that they've been doing and you just wished that you were there as well. Gosh, i had my fair share of those times.

I've always wanted other people's 'opened eyes' moments:(

...

2009-04-29T20:54:00.003+08:00

for my one and only Ryessa(raisha),

It is true that sometimes no one cares for us but that's just because everyone is busy thinking that no one cares for her. However, when someone eventually shows that they do care, its all you can do to keep a smile off your face:) Yes, being a girl do suck from time to time. Especially when you're feeling extra down and the world is throwing everything at you. But dont you forget that even the harshest winters have to give way to spring.

We'll go lepak again one day:)

2009-04-21T19:38:00.002+08:00

To my future loveheart,

i look forward to meeting you. I look forward to finding you and sharing my life with you. I've seen so many romantic movies that I've build up an image of what I want you to be but if you're nothing like what I've imagined, its ok. I'm just leaving you to God's hands to mold and refine you.

With all my time.
Zkay

2009-04-12T21:31:00.002+08:00

Happy Easter:)

I have a very weird.. mentality. I get very agitated if people say alot of things like "Praise the Lord" or "Hallelujah" many many times. It might probably sound weird coming from a Christian but I just seriously cant stand it.

For the Easter celebration in school last Thursday, it all went pretty well. The ice breaker went a bit haywire. Oh well.. all things would end that way if conducted or partly conducted by me. Yu wern said that the turn up this year is bigger compared to previous years. yay! Its quite an achievement. The speaker wasnt what i expected. But if i knew one thing about God, it is that He would never work in a way that you expect.

This morning, i was very close to not attending church. But i did and i'm glad i did. The guest speaker this morn was a very old but alert man. He's 80 yrs old if im not mistaken but his mind is still very alert. I've learnt a great deal about the very first Easter two thousand years ago. Longing to go back to Him but willing to stay if needed to. beautiful..

In the afternoon i went for band practice. Sad to say that those that did not turn up today is not allowed to join the competition. We're leaving for Kuantan on Thursday and you're still not turning up. How on earth are u going to play? Throughout most of the day today I've been thinking if it were the right choice to join flute. At times i feel like an idiot for leaving something that i can already play to join something that I can barely blow. Till now, i can't truly say that i've fully know whether it's right or wrong for me. However, I didnt hear God prod me to switch back. So i guess i'll have to just hang in there for a few more days.

******
another Easter celebration..

Paroimia

Once upon a time, a prince was born in the Golden City.
His name was Prince Elyon. That same day, the commander of the Golden Army, Kieron, led a rebellion against the King and stole away the citizens.

It had been long foretold that a day like that would come, when a savior would be needed. He would have to die in exchange for the citizens' freedom. His blood for theirs.

Prince Elyon was to be that savior.

Will he be able to wipe the darkness of Kieron out? Will the people ever be free from the clutches of Kieron?

Come and watch Paroimia.
Let the colors whisk you away to the land where the Golden Command upholds justice...
the Dark Legion threatens peace & harmony.
Is there hope for the imprisoned Grey Doldrums?
Can the courageous Blood Army bring restoration?

17th April (Friday)
18th April (Saturday)
24th April (Friday)
25th April (Saturday)

The story will unfold from
8pm to 10pm

at the Main Sanctuary of FGA KL.

So come!

2009-04-07T19:41:00.002+08:00

Jay Koopman. I hope to remember him.

Yes, we've been in church for too long. The salt is still in the saltshaker. I guess what he said was something that we had to hear for quite some time. I am truly glad that he's thrown my attention into focus again. I'm shamed by what I've not done. I want to do more.

I wish I have a closer relationship with my brother.

Penang

2009-04-04T20:58:00.002+08:00

I just got back from the Penang trip. I don't want to say that the time went by really really fast(eventhough it did) because I think we spent all our time pretty memorably.

Thurs, 2.4.09 -We left CBN at about 7am. 33 students and 6 teachers. Guide:Uncle Wan. Driver:uncle William. We reached Penang at 12.30pm eventhough most of us thought we would not. Our first destination:SMKA Al-Mashoor. Their niche area is physics and agama. The two of the most impossible subjects in CBN. They have some jawi writing competiton as part of their school activity and the products are really good. However, i had the shock of my life. I learnt that in Islam, people of the opposite sex is not suppose to touch each other unless they are married. WOW.
Then, had lunch. We saw some pretty big mudskippers near the restaurant coz it was near the seaside. Later, went to visit a temple and toy museum. Checked into the hotel. Twas quite runned down. It totally looked haunted when we first got there. Had to sms my brother to pray for us. haha. Then, POOL TIME! Though it was the only pool time we manage to get and it was only for fifteen minutes. pfft. Had take away dinner from Gurney Drive in hotel.

Fri, 3.4.09 -Woke up and had breakfast. The highlight of the day was St. George Girl School. Upon arrival, had to sit in the hall for some multimedia talk. It was the end of their acedemic week. I was impressed with their school. The compound was HUGE. Everything was so neat and tidy. We even visited their bandroom. They're having the same problems as us. We had a friendly match of spelling bee with them. It was a fast round there coz the queen bees gave super hard words. But they were all very friendly. They have music as part of their curricullum. Nice.
That night, i stayed awake till 2am. Yeah, i know. Only 2am? Played chinese poker with Steph, Su ann and Joey. We even did stupid cheer stunts. Camwhored like mad. We disturbed Hanan and Eera coz they were trying to sleep. hehe.

Sat, 4.4.09 -Woke up, checked out and went to Penang Hill. The cable caar was not so bad. On the way up, we shared with another school group for a special needs school. It was so cool seeing them do sign language. We had lunch at this place called Mr Pot along Gurney Drive. Although we waited long, the food was quite good. Then, went for some last minute shopping and left Penang.

Thats basically the summary for our trip. Oh yea, Joey suggested during lunch today that we have to come back to the same restaurant on the same day 5 years from now. waliau. dunno if can remember anot. I had a crazy time on the trip:) laughed like a crazy women. And i feel sorry for Hanan coz she had to share the room with me. I am a very messy person. My stuff was everywhere:)

2009-03-19T08:32:00.002+08:00

Sayang, you can dance. Went to watch it yesterday. The cast was not bad. The storyline, however, is somehow the same as most of the other movies. Somebody died. Its getting old but it still works. Yash cried.

The trip to Chong Hwa the other day was an eye opener. I learned flute there. Yea, mmg tak padan dgn badan. I now have more respect for flutists coz my arm ached like crazy after that. They were all so nice. The actually lined up by the door and clapped enthuestically as we walked in. It was so akward but sweet at the same time. They even gave us calling cards:)

Well, its back to school in a few days.. What am i going to write about drugs for 1000 words?

2009-03-13T19:56:00.002+08:00

Music people, if you want to practice your side reading press here. The site is not bad:)

1+1=6

2009-03-12T22:07:00.003+08:00

I love Jesus.

For the past few weeks, haven't really been writing real posts. Just some twitters here and there. Sigh. Busy busy.. but hey, I've only got about another 20 months or so of high school left. Can't really imagine what'll be out there for me.

I miss a lot of people. I miss my sister for one. It's been..quiet. I miss the mamaking and snooker. But i know that she's got a lot on her hands and I'm confident that God with her in whatever she's doing;) I miss using my brains more than using my mouth. My mouth tends to run away by itself, attention crazed. I miss good practices. The effects of good can be seen when members can gobble up 3 boxes of rice and still stay in shape. Cant wait to try it again. I miss doing my best.

The results of spm came out today. Heard that there were quite alot of good results:) Congrats! Most of our seniors that came back today has changed alot. I mean, A LOT. But those are good changes. I hope.

What do girls normally do when they hang out? What do they talk about? Sometimes i find myself tuning out to conversations coz i've heard of it before for a hundred times. I love my friends but sometimes i just dont know what to say. As growing teenage girls, are we going to talk about the same few things?

A knight in shining armour? Sounds nice:) but i'll trade him for a dude with verses in his mind and a heart for his Jesus. That's what i want.

2009-03-06T17:35:00.000+08:00

I tried to play Leaving on a Jet Plane on guitar. Didnt make it. Then tried Hey There Delilah. Fingers hurt:(

...

2009-03-04T19:00:00.002+08:00

Shucks.. this is going to be an embarrassing post..

Elizebeth? The name's be around for years already. I've picked it out in kindergarten coz my kinddymate had the name and i thought it was cool. Queen Elizabeth and all. The name didn't really stick. Growing up, I was pretty..tomboyish? i think.. It never seemed to fit.

But i was thinking of using the name again. LOL.. it sounds so alien. Oh well, could always tuck back into its box.

2009-03-02T16:54:00.001+08:00

Im afraid of moments before i fall asleep. I unno what lies before me.

2009-03-01T20:49:00.002+08:00

Sports Day just finished. The amount of people was significantly less than the previous years. Nehow, we still had tons of cheering anyway. Aidan's cheer wasnt so good this year but its ok. Next year would be good, kan Mar?:)

Band's performance was... to me it wasnt that good. I think the practices were better. nevertheless, most people said it was not bad. Oh well.. the world doesn't revolve around what i think.

Have you ever heard of Yuna? Her songs are quite nice:) When Hanan started singing her Dan Sebenarnya, i thought i was some P.Ramlee's old jazz songs. But its modern alright. She has this really jazzy style and her english is good. Sounds like im promoting her. Oh well, Fatin promoted to me first:)

Fatin stayed over at my hse:D kan kan? haha.. cry.

2009-02-22T20:23:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, its crazy how people do some things just to be normal. I'm not speaking in the context of "teenage normalcy" like how some girls (and guys) become anorexic just to be 'normally thin'. I'm talking about people who has to go for extensive medical treatments just to live a normal life like you and me. Yet, they keep their ordeals discreet so that they don't receive the pity attention that they hate.

Of course, all that i've said could be purely fictional. I've never really known anyone who has gone through life like this. Unless, i knew that person and they never told me about it.

I've been reading this book The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen. Terrific writer. NO kidding. The book's about a girl who went from losing a dad to being Little Miss Perfect and then to seeing that her flaws are actually her strengths. Her change started during summer break when she started working for this crazily chaotic chatering company. As she started to get closer to her co-worker, Wes, she learns that she doesn't always have to be perfect. Every square doesnt have to be a square.

Quickie

2009-02-18T21:53:00.002+08:00

I think i need to correct my last post a bit.

After thinking about it again, i dont really think that we're all falling down the cliff. CF is doing pretty well:) All thanks to this Big Dude up there.

Form four is a killer. My advice to all ye who is still younger than their PMR D-Day is to work hard from now. When you've got a working system inside you, it'll be easier to work hard in form 4. Come to the think of it, i've only learnt how to really revise and study in form 3.

I miss carefree days:(

There's a hindustan drama going on right now. Its quite interesting. Love triangles are the only ones that doesnt make sense trying to solve it using Phyto. theoram.

2009-02-13T20:14:00.002+08:00

Just came back for Najwa's blog.

Come to the think of it, which society in our school that isn't falling off a cliff right now? Seriously. Which of us can honestly say that we have actually improved? Lets just hold on:)

2009-02-07T19:56:00.002+08:00

This post goes to our netball girls. I know you girls have been practicing like crazy. I know that you all can survive this although is so tiring and some are/have fallen sick, i know that you can do it. I have seen it done before:) Hold on coz its only a little while more:)

2009-02-03T16:25:00.002+08:00

Today is a Tuesday. It was the first day of school after the one week++ break. I guess it wouldnt be such a surprise to say that i brought Monday's timetable. hahaha. A panicky day.

2009-01-31T17:00:00.004+08:00

"Stained Glass Masquerade" -Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

2009-01-31T00:03:00.002+08:00

i knw fatin would dig this.

DOA UNTUK ORANG BERCINTA

Tuhanku
seandainya telah Kau
taqdirkan die milikku, tercipta buatku
dekatkanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
tetapkanlah kemesraan antara kami
agar kebahgiaan ini kekal abadi
dan tuhanku
seiringkanlah kami mengharungi hidup luas ini
ke tepian yang sejahtera
tetapi tuhanku yang maha pengasih
seandainya telah Kau taqdirkan
die bukan milikku
bawalah die jauh dari pandanganku
luput dari ingatan ku
dan peliharakanlah aku daripada kecewa
serta tuhanku yang maha mengerti
berilah aku kekuatan
melontar bayangannya ke dada langit
hilang bersama senja merah
dan gelap pekat awan
agar aku bisa bahgia walau tanpa dirinya
dan tuhanku yang maha pencipta
gantilah yang telah hilang
tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah
meskipun tidak sama dengan dirinya
biar sekuat mana pun aku menyintai dirinya
aku pohon agar tuhanku
melenyapkan perasaan ini
sekiranya die ditaqdirkan bukan milikku
tetapi
sekiranya die ditqdirkan untuk ku
kupohon agar taqdir
memperkuatkan kasihku padanya
selagi tidak melebihi
kasih ku pada-MU
amin

hahahahhaahah

**********

Persahabatan

Titian ini terlalu panjang
ada mulanya..tahu
ada akhirnya....siapa tahu
mungkin tak ingin kutau
tak ingin siapa tau
mengacankan agar akhiran tak kesampaian

sepanjang titian ini
terkadang suka..duka
pelbagai karenah kutemu
kelelasan titian membuatku terlelap

Tititian ini gobar tanpamu
mendambakan seorang teman untuk memimpinku
bila kuterkerlap
menggerakku bila kuterlelap
membuaiku bila kuhiba

atas titian ini
seperti sati harakah
walaupun berlainan wadah
tetap pasrah
siapa kisah?

hadirmu atas titian ini
umpama secangkir kopi panas
buat situa bersembang di tengah malam
bak segebar selimut
buat bayi dalam buaian
bagai segumpal bantal kabu
buat simata bawat

tanya sama pantai
siapa kau tanpa laut?
tanya sama pak tani
siapa kau tanpa bendang?
tanya sama penulis
siapa kau tanpa pena?
tanya sama diri
siapa kau tanpa nyawa?
tanyakanku
siapa aku tanpamu?

seorang tua terkesut-kesut ke hujung titian
menggapai-gapai
harapkan agar ada yang bersama
menuju biar ke akhiran
menggarap tangan
agar tidak lipur ditelan rindu
seorang tua....akulah!!

Yaser M.A.

***

As jealousy is roaring its ugly head again
I turn introvert
Hoping to find the source
Expected of my mind was
A buzzing city of thoughts
Though only a small seed was seen
It puzzled and baffled
Though there is some sense in it
Never had i thought
That this would be seen
The seed of jealousy
Is none too special nor obscene
Just a quiet agreement
Of incompetence.

Heng Sze Kay

2009-01-29T14:52:00.002+08:00

Number 9: Outstanding qualities (my teacher made me stand outside class when i was in primary school and secondary school. I was an outstanding student okay!? Check!!)

hahahahahahahahaha

2009-01-27T00:44:00.002+08:00

Late night chat with Fatin ended with a new name.

Elizebeth Unta Heng Sze Kay:)

*****

The dream was so sweet. I smiled but now it's fading as its dreamlike pictures are fading into reality. There wont be any reenactment any time soon. It was a weird one and very unexpected.

2009-01-25T17:11:00.001+08:00

If you're feeling a bit lazy to pray.. why not watch this video?

Africa

2009-01-25T09:04:00.002+08:00

If being emo makes you happy, go ahead.

***

Cina new year is here. I was telling my mum yesterday how there seem to be less festivity these two years. It gets boring.

2009-01-23T23:25:00.003+08:00

A joke for Alex Ng who blogged about a computer problem.

****
One day, satan and Jesus had a competition. The condition was that both of them have to use the computer. While they were busy typing away, there was a blackout. When the power came back on, only Jesus' files were intact. Satan lost all his unsaved documents.

Wanna know why?

Coz Jesus saves.

**
Geddit?

2009-01-22T19:36:00.001+08:00

Carbon dating

Kawan gua

2009-01-17T18:05:00.002+08:00

I'm grateful for my friends. Especially for those who stuck on to me and wants to know my heart because I have this annoying habit of wanting to go solo sometimes. Once in a yellow moon i am guilty of ditching people. Also, to have open minded friends who accepts me for who I am really counts a lot.

Fatin -Your sengalness is incredible. I've known you since form one but only gotten sekepala with you these two year or so. Now that I'm in the same class as you, there's no need for me to go to the end of the world to ajak you for lunch. lol. It is amazing at how long we've survived each other without ever having a real fight. I seriously question if we're normal. There's no other like you.

Charissa&Chrystine&Nina -you three have been with me for three years and more:) with you guys i've revised for exams and asked for homework. I've learn how to control my temper and also got to taste some good cookies. But the best thing is that I've learnt how pure friendship love is. There were never hidden intentions because all of you are good people:) I hope that you'll find better friends that deserve you more than i do.

Hafsah&Nadjwa -two sweet people who are too sweet:0 H, before I started to hang out with you, I've never really thought of waiting for everybody's food to arrive before digging in. You inspire me to wait. haha. N, the cheerleader with a big voice and also the one who likes to fake a teacher's arrival in class. cis. Oldtown anyone?:)

Hanan&Lia -orang paling gila yg i pernah jumpa. Lia's a part time curser, full time crapper. haha. and you weird pimple which was actually a piercing. Hanan, im grateful that you're in percussion. You're a good player and i like too see u do stupid faces. haha. cat lover:)

Ryessa -Seremban girl. All of us miss u here in kl. but it's ok.. im sure you'll make more friends there in n9. haha. Honestly, i use to dislike you but that was before i spent time to get to know you. After doing that, i know that u really do like band and it is quite clear to all that u would work hard for it. I wont say, "too bad, you've gone to s'ban" coz i know that you can work hard in wherever you are if you put you heart to it.

Eera&Joey -my bandmates:) Two quiet goodness. I'll go to these two if i want to discuss band plans. The crazy ideas that jumps off you is mindblowing and i need more of these vitamin-bandhope to keep me sane in band.

****

2009-01-17T17:29:00.003+08:00

Heyy..I'm back:)

Started the year with so many things. Form four is nothing like all the previous years. It is really hectic. Band is like always, emotionally draining. I'm absolutely no help to hanan at all. The number of form ones this year is significantly less compared to the previous years. Im disappointed with the seniors though.

Million dollar question:

"How are we going to go for competition if i dont even see your face during practices?"

2008-12-29T23:40:00.005+08:00

A list of songs for anyone who is interested..

1. Carried To The Table -Leeland
2. Dreamer -Bethany Dillion
3. 24 -Switchfoot
4. Amazing Grace(Broken Chains) -Chris Tomlin
5. East To West -Jars Of Clay
6. Wrapped In Your Arms -Fireflight
7. This Man -Jeremy Camp
8. By Your Side -Tenth Avenue North
9. Jesus Hurry -Rush Of Fools
10. Stand Up -Fireflight

2008-12-29T22:43:00.002+08:00

I slept at 6.30am last night. Or rather the last time i slept. Woke up at 10.30am and did not sleep until now. I feel so amazed. The last time i did this, my sleeping schedule went off the walls.

Came back from Kristy's just now. Thinktank/oneeighty's meeting. Never really knew that there was so many things behind the scenes. All the planning and publishing and goals. I guess that's one of the downsides of being just a spectator. You dont realize the effort thats been put into something. Im afraid that there'll be times when i wont go for meetings but i'll give it a try:)

******

There's a operation that can make you grow taller. They break a bone in your leg and then streatch it so that new bone cells will grow and you'll be a few inches taller or you might lose the use of your legs.

No, im not considering the operation to make me taller.

Im just saying that sometimes you have to go through so kind of pain so that you will grow.

*****

I feel that I just need to reach out to this family but I dont know what to say or do. I dont have the courage.

A Teenager's View From Heavan

2008-12-29T01:32:00.002+08:00

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They
were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was
one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content.

Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.'

I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth.

Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card.

I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep.

Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.

He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards.

But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive.

The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.'

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written. 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'-Phil. 4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.'

*******
This essay was written by Brian Moore. He passed away in 1997.

Difference between girls and women

2008-12-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans. Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits

Girls want to control the man in their life. Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them. Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls are afraid to be alone. Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys. Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home. Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man. Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time ( I.e., don't want him hanging with his friends). Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends!

Girls think a guy crying is weak. Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so. Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it. Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.

Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude. Grown women will read this and pass it on to other grown women and their male friends.

2008-12-26T23:32:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday sayang:)

Sorryla im a bit late.. Thanks for making my day even though its your birthday:) I know you'll be with me always. Thankiu for going through so many things with me and still loving me. Im sorry that i put you aside sometimes when im busy and didnt even give you a second glance. But your faithful nature just wouldnt let me go, huh? You've showed me how to really love in all your silent ways. No one has really said anything bad about you, unless of course, those who dont really know you.

I've never really held on to you. But you, you held on to me. You've helped me face my shame and fears and you've taught me how to do my best. I would love to know you more.

Till forever and ever?

I love you, Jesus:)

ps/ whisper to me again how much You love me..

2008-12-24T11:50:00.001+08:00

Stupid joke.

One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path. Wait!" cried Ah Beng. "Wat is tat huh?"

"Yah ho! Be carefool lo," warned Ah Seng.

"Wat is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.

"Eee look like shit lah!" say Ah Beng.

"Hmmm..... smell like shit also!" say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.

Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said, "Tastes like shit!"

Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confidence, he said, "Confirm is shit!"

Then they smiled X) at each other, "WAH! Beng ahhh LUCKY hor we all didn't step on it. Otherwise bad luck wo.. Fuuyoohh really lucky la both of us "
The End XP

My Story

2008-12-23T23:25:00.003+08:00

Well, this is one of the many chapters of my life.

If anyone had continually read my blog, then they most probably might have notice some of the minute changes throughout the year. My writing style, my contents. I try to be more real in my posts. I no longer want to censor out my faith in my blog. I've been a bit of a closet-Christian but Im finding a way out of this cocoon. I guess i can classify most of my posts to be of my thoughts. If people say that I have white hair because of thinking, then this blog might probably be one of the reasons. I like people to get thinking after reading what I have to write and not just having a laugh out of it.

Anyway, my story..

I've only started looking for Him myself this year when I started to get involved in cf. Before this, my passion and faith was fueled by accounts of others mostly by Jo. When we didnt hang out so often anymore, I started to dwindle and go downhill after awhile. So, I decided to go and build a relationship with Him like a really solid one. Rome wasnt build in one day, so does this. Its progressing slowly and thats how i like it.

Being a pudgy girl as I was growing up(and still am now, although with a better self-image), I have insecurity issues. I use to carry myself in ways to please others. I still remember when friends would ditch me in standard 4. Thankfully there was Fatimah Kudbuddin(?) back then:p Then, when in secondary I use to want fame and popularity so that I can boost my own ego but because God planned all those for another reason, all of it turned out pretty good. I enjoyed crazily fun experiences in form 1 and 2 but now is the time to focus on something else.

Hurmm..apparently my story is really short today:)

2008-12-23T15:00:00.002+08:00

Quote:

"Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground which aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top of the tree think that something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man, who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now, men are like a fine wine.. they begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.."

hehe:)

Im waiting. I'll wait. I have to wait.

Its not that hard coz i know of no one who likes me romantically. Thank God i dont. If not, who knows where i might be right now. Teehee.

Leviticus

2008-12-22T18:16:00.002+08:00

A few weeks ago, I watched a documentary about some event at Mecca. The Hajj I think. Then they came to this part about animals for sacrifice. They say that they never leave the place void of sacrificial animals during the whole period. Meat were also imported to make food for the poor and all that. All in all, there were a lot of animals.

Right now, it got me thinking about how many animals were needed back in Moses' time when God first gave instructions about sacrificing animals in the book of Leviticus. A female sheep or goat is needed for the sin offering of common people while cows, male goats or sheeps, and doves were needed for various other sacrifices. Now, look at the amount of people that were with Moses in the wilderness; about 600,000 people left Egypt from the iron grip of the pharoah but 3,000 died because they made a god out of the golden calf.

So, there will be about 597,000+/- people. It must have been such a big group. The China's Olympic stadium only fits 91,000 people, imagine how many stadiums would be needed to fit them in. No wonder the pharoah didnt want to let the Isrealites go. The loss may be an impact on Egypt's economy. However, the 600,000 people that I mentioned earlier were only 'fighting men' or soldiers, the number does not include women, children and not to mention animals.

Then, how many animals excatly were needed? Im sorry, its just impossible for me to write down a number. I have no idea about how many animals there will be.

Now, the priests will have to slaughter the sacrificial animals. The first high priest appointed was Aaron, Moses' brother. Most of the instructions given includes sprinkling or splattering the blood of the animal against the altar. I dont know about you but my imagination tells me that by the end of the day, the altar may probably be flooded by blood. Not to mention the conditions of the priests' robes when its all done. Imagine the amount of work and rituals that they have in those days and also the various smells, fragrant incense fills the most holy place while some other places reeked of animal dunk.

If Jesus had died for them in those days, Im sure that they will be eternally grateful. Literally. Well, I am too. Thank God that i dont need to worry about taking an animal to be sacrificed tomorrow for the wrong things that I've done today. Nor about how I'll forever live a doomed life coz my sins never seem to cease. Not to mention the cost of the animal that I'm going to sacrifice.

Now, all I have to do is just close my eyes and say a little prayer for forgiveness and I know that my wrongs will never be mentioned again. Ever.